Skrivet av TN 2008-06-27 14:45

Svenskofilia - Svenskt

Detta är en engelsk artikel som jag har funnit på nätet och som jag har tänkt att översätt till svenska.

Den är säkert riktad till svenskar och nysvenskar som bott länge i Sverige. Samt inte minst alla icke-svenska makar/makor/sambo/barn etc, som säkert många gånger uppgivet har skakat på huvudet.

Ni känner säkert igen många saker på listan.

Jag måste erkänna att jag flera gånger höll på att ramla av stolen av skratt, och i mitt stilla sinne för mig själv erkände att vi svenskar är nog inte riktigt kloka ibland. 

You know you're swedish when:

1. Your family had to re-arrange a number of Christmas traditions when Arne Weise retired.
2. You get nostalgic by thinking of the summer of 1994
3. You don't rely on weather forecasts unless presented by John Pohlman.
4. You thought Astrid Lindgren was immortal and was shocked and cried your heart out when she actually did die.
5.  You really want to attend the Nobel Prize Dinner.
6. You get pissed off when Norwegians state that the peace prize is much more famous than the other Nobel prices.
7. You go seriously sentimental when entering an IKEA store, outside the borders of Sweden.
8. You love complaining about Sweden when you are there and state "it's much better in Sweden" when you are abroad.
9. You secretly love the Eurovision Song Contest to pieces.
10. You know at least 10 Abba songs by heart.
11. You claim that you are not a royalist but actually do care what "she" will wear on the Nobel Prize dinner.
12. You are prone to stand in line without complaining.
13. Whenever discussing international problems you always, without exception state that "why don't you do it like we do it in Sweden?"
14. You know the names of a multitude of IKEA items.
15. You know how to pronounce these names and sigh when non-Swedes don't.
16. You grew up in a house looking exactly like as if iit would have been in the IKEA-catalogue.
17. You have a tendency to not divide words when you write in English, since "särskrivning" is a sin.
18. You don't really care about winning as long as the Swedish beat the Norwegains and the Finish, no matter what the game/contest is.
19. You know that Sweden never actually will win the World Cup in Football, but keep partying anyway.
20. When you don't really consider silence a problem in social situations.
21. When you find people from other cultures generally being rather loud. With the exception of the Finish.
22. You wouldn't even consider buying electrical items unless they are "S"-marked.
23. You consider the question "how are you?" as a question that when posed, needs to be answered with a honest and thorough explanation of your mental health.
24. You have serious difficulties crossing the street when there is a red light. Even when there are no cars.
25. You get guilty conciense from throwing things in the dustbin that could have been recycled.
26. You take your shoes off when entering a house, and don't get why non-Swedes find that funny.
27. You know what the term "dansband" refers to, but know that it is a losing battle explaining to non-Swedes what it is.
28. You don't consider a congregation of trees being a "real" forrest unless it takes at least 20 minutes to drive through it.
29. You use metric system and really don't get why there are people out there who don't.
30. You consider "schlager" being a proper music genre.
31. You consider a fast and audioable intake of breath as a synonym to the word "yes".
32. You find the ads for Coca Cola during Christmas completely useless since noone would consider drinking any other soft drink than "julmust" during Christmas anyway.
33. You consider Denmark and the Danish "pretty continental".
34. You know that it is not true, but you like to believe that there is a massive difference between the taste of "julmust" and "påskmust".
35. You know that the most common cars in Sweden are not Volvo's or Saab's, but Ahlgrens Bilar.
36. You can debate for hours the difference between the taste of the pink, the green and the white car in a pack of Ahlgrens bilar.
37. You actually have a favourite colour of Ahlgrens bilar, and is pretty militant in your opinion on this point.
38. You are not likely admit to having watched a full episode of Allsång på Skansen, but feel that the fact that they broadcast it every summer is soothing, and a notion that things remain in their normal state.
39. You like things in general to be "lagom".
40. It annoys the hell out of you that there is no good translation for the word "lagom" in any language (except in Turkish, apparently)
41. You consider Sweden being on the verge of annoyingly "lagom". Like a tetra pack of mellanmjolk, sort of.
42. You have at one point, or more, during your childhood, attempted to fabricate something that you learnt how to make from watching "Hajk".
43. While fabricating the thing mentioned in point things went terribly wrong.
44. You think that Sweden winning a gold in any type of World Championships require celebrating by getting really drunk and splash around in a large and famous fountain.
45. You have a tendency to make Swedish verbs out of English nouns, and do not consider it slang or gramatically incorrect.
46. Generally, you prefer writing in pencil.
47. You've never seen a starbucks.
48. You have a summer house in the countryside. It has no running water or flushing toilet, but you can't understand why no one wants to visit.
49. Making fun of Norway is a national institution. And vise versa.
50. You love Kalles Caviar. Everyone else outside scandanavia hates it.
51. You are obsessed with health issues. Everything is bad unless it comes from sweden, in which case its ok.
52. You could survive on just fish and prawns, and still manage to have a different dish for every meal for a month. Oh, and you even put it in cake.
53. You find it normal to have to go to a special store that is owned by the government, that's only open during daytime to buy a bottle of wine, or other alcoholic beverages.
54. You constantly try to avoid meeting your neoghbours in the stairwell.
55. You split the check by the exact penny after eating at a restaurant.
56. You try to explain "The Law of Jante" to non-Swedes..!
57. You don't mind waking up way too early during the first 2days of December in order to watch 15 minutes of TV's annual Advent Calendar.
58. You find the idea of wall to wall carpets in bathrooms and toilets simply appalling.
59. You just don't "orka"...
60. You think you understand Danish.
61. The Danish think you understand Danish.
62. Ultimatley, when spoken, you don't really understand Danish.
63. You thought wall to wall carpets was a concept of the past or the ferrys to Finland/Estonia/Germany/Denmark. Then you went abroad and realised that you were wrong.
64. You don't even realise that you speak/write Swenglish whenever you speak/write to Swedish people.
65. You die a little inside if you don't get your weekly ransion of "Mamma Scans Köttbullar".
66. You think that everyone is allowed to walk in any field or forrest. And when people abroad tell you it's private land, you don't understand and say "But, what about Allemansratten?"
67. You expect people to be drinking atleast a bottle each of vodka, and think that's normal.
68. Your ideal breakfast consists of a slice of bread with egg och kalles kaviar, och a big cup of oboy...
69. You drink black espresso without sugar, believing that is what you do in Italy, and actually believe that you like it...
70. After having realized that someone is standing on your foot in the subway, you think that the best idea is to not say anything at all or maybe cough or nod a little in order to attract the attention of the person standing on your foot.
71. You find non-scandinavians so loud and noisy but find it perfectly normal to get completely wasted, "bröla", sing along to "när vi gräver guld i usa..." and piss in public, when you're abroad and partying with non-scandinavians.
72. You secretly consider Sweden the best place on earth and that Swedes are the most intelligent and beautiful people in the world.
73. You know who Bamse is, and love him with all of your heart.
74. You take a sip of Strongbow, frown, and state that there's nooo way that the yellow sludge they call cider really is cider..
75. You refuse to belive that snuff or "snus" is harmful.
76. Since snuff "isn't harmful", you can't understand why no one except the swedes use it...
77. You think that all things Astrid Lindgren ever wrote, sums up all the good things about being Swedish.
78. You have become addicted to Playahead/Lunarstorm/Helgon and/or Bilddagboken.
79. Your favourite site for games and videos is Hamsterpaj.net.
80. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
81. You wake up with BIG hang-overs on the days after April 30th (Valborg) and December 13th (Lucia).
82. You have, with some measure of success, spoken rövarspråket.
83. You are stuck in front of your TV watching curling during every Olympic Games.
84. You actually understand the rules of curling.
85. You have been accused of being from Switzerland. Repeatedly.
86. You refer to some internationally famous Swedes by their nicknames, even when speaking to bewildered non-Swedes who have no clue what you are talking about.(I.e: "Svennis" (Sven-Goran Ericsson) and "Henke" (Henrik Larsson).
87. You cried when Henke Larsson cut his hair.
88. You just love singing "snapsvisor" while drinking any kind of alcohol.
89. You would rather stand up on the bus for an hour than bother the person who's handbag is currently occupying the last available seat.
90. You would never use public transportation without a valid ticket, even though it's ridiculously overpriced.
91. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather.
92. You cannot see why the first floor you walk in to should be called anything but the first floor, and the next one up the second, and so on, and you get confused by this in every multi-storey building you enter.
93. You generally consider the pre-party better than the night out in a club that follows.
94. You cry of nostalgy and happiness thinking about Peter "Foppa" Forsberg's penalty in the ice-hockey final, Olympic Games in Lillehammer 199
95. You look forward all year for August when you get to gather your friends, put on stupid paper hats, drink Vodka, sing and eat crayfish.
96. You don't mind women using the men's bathroom in clubs if the queue to the "Ladies" is long.
97. You go abroad on vacation and first things first try to localize a Swedish bar and restaurant.
98. You LOVE Carola and knows almost all her songs by heart even though she's a bit of a freak these days.
99. It still disturbs you that Carola did not win the Eurovision Song Contest the first time around she participated, back in -8
100. You get chills down your spine thinking about the "Flour-tant".
101. It's totally ok to stop working for a while when Anja is skiing in an important competition and instead join your colleagues in front of the TV which somebody brought.
102. You actually miss Knäckebröd abroad but never eat it in Sweden because it's so "torrt"!
103. You always go "That's not REAL snow" whenever it snows in countries that usually don't get snow.
104. You find it adorable when people from other countries get excited about a few milimetres of snow that only stays on the ground for a few hours.
105. You are amazed to find that other countries are not familiar with winter tires, 'halkbanor' and 'dubbar'.
106. You insist on that Swedish chocolate is the best chocolate in the world, despite of what the Belgians and the Swiss might say.
107. It's raining and you hear yourself say your grandmothers wise words, "There is no bad weather, just bad clothes"
108. You insist on convincing people the vikings were the first to discover america.
109. When you refer to girls of other nationalities as beeing inferior to swedish girls (another race).
110. You understand the man talking embarassingly loud to his son in the elevator.
111. You can't refrain from bragging about winning both the olympics and the world championships 2006 in hockey back to back whenever you have the opportunity to...talking to a Canadian...
112. You realise that toast and marmalade can never, ever replace dark bread with "prästost".
113. You have tried to translate a phone conversation from "Hassan".
114. You have genuinely believed that a person from the UK talking about "hockey" meant "ice-hockey".
115. You consider blond hair about as normal as dark hair.
116. You constantly have to point out that not EVERYONE in sweden is blond, in fact you add that most people are not.
117. You only consider hair on the verge of being "white", blond. Everything else is just very bright brown hair.
118. You have tried, and failed, to convince non-swedes that jam with your food is really good.
119. IKEA is home away from home.
120. You don't understand why non-swedes find salt lakris inedible.
121. You know Carl Larsson captures the atmosphere of a 'stuga' perfectly.
122. You realise the potential and imagination behind a number of Swedish words (like: förfest, träningsvärk, groggvirke, sola, KLOCKRENT)
123. You get frustrated because there is no way you can say these words in any other language and sound correct.
124. You don't think a farmhouse is actually a farmhouse unless it is red or yellow with white trim.
125. Eventhough jumping into haybales is really gross you still do it and love it because "Bullerby Barnen" did it.
126. You compare all other spiced wine to glögg and with a frown state the obvious superiority of the Swedish Xmas drink.
127. You seriously look for Baklava made from whole grain, because "in Sweden, we don't eat white flour anymore, Socialstyrelsen says it's not good for you"
128. You consider taking a cruise ship to tallin a valid excuse to get completely off your face and act like an utter ass as soon as the ship leaves port.
129. You know that there is no way the nesquick powder can ever replace real O'boy
130. You find it OBVIOUS that a mile is 10 kilometres.
131. A nights sleep only counts if it consists of 8 consecutive hours. 10 hours would be considered too much.
132. You hate to 'lose face' in public, and will act like everyone else to prevent this from happening
133. You insist on buying ridiculously tight pants (guys) you innocently say F**K at completely inappropriate times when talking english.
134. You consider it tradition to get wasted and dance around a giant penis symbol stuck in the ground every summer.
135. You think it's perfectly normal to pay over 50 % of your income in taxes.
136. Everything you know about sex you learned from ”Bullen” or KP's "Kropp och Knopp".
137. You were devastated to find out that neither “Skurt” nor “Televinken” were real people.
138. You can’t for you life understand why there’s no handles on the paper bags you get in the liquor store.
139. The theme song from “Ika i rutan” still gives you the creeps.
140. You have been or know someone who has been an exchange student
141. When "tallriksmodellen" pops up in your head every time you serve food.
142. You find it morally reprehensable to not at least TRY and eat from all the food groups.
143. When it is considered a sin to record Kalle Anka (Donald Duck) on the video at Christmas.
144. You talk about politics at house parties.
145. You like to travel to other countries where you KNOW that 99% of the people there are Swedish or speak atleast decent Swedish
146. You actually do care if your mobile phone meets the fashion standard.
147. People ask you if you have polarbears on the streets and you try to spread the myth further by stating it's true.
148. You go to the downtown during a sunday and don't expect to meet a single soul during a 30 minute walk
149. You have a craving for at least litre of Arla milk a day.
150. You can name at least 7 different kinds of jam, and produce 4 of them in your own kitchen.
151. You think you're better at engilsh than you really are.
152. You LOVE to use english quotes and slang.
153. You're not really offended anymore by getting confused with switzerland and nobody can locate sweden on a map.
154. You think its a BIG THING to have a drivers licensce before you're like 2
155. Using fuck, shit and other badwords isn't really that bad for you.
156. You automatically answer "no" when people ask you questions like
     - " do you have polarbears in sweden? "
     - " is it legal to smoke pot in sweden? "
157. You think its completley normal to atleast have studied one year of german, one year of french and one year of spanish
158. You know that the only parts swedish people get to play in movies is when there is supposed to be a stupid blonde in the scene.
159. You know what a midsommarstang is, and you know every song and dance that comes with it
160. It's perfectly fine to party and get wasted on random week days (especially wednesdays) just for the heck of it. Even if you have work/school the day after..
161. You have a million pictures of yourself, and 90% of those pictures you took yourself.
162. You end every phone call with "puss".
163. You find it unbearable and disturbing that "puss" and "kyss" is only one word in English.
164. You know the phrase "svenskar reser inte till ngt, dom reser fran ngt"
165. You find it weird that people go to church every sunday instead of being the people that find it weird that you DON'T go to church every sunday
166. You call it "mobile phone" and not "cell phone"
167. You always try to defend sweden for not being a part of "nasty" Europe where girls are sluts and there is no drinking age.
168. You don't mind walking instead of taking the car
169. You know almost every other country in the world as well as most capital cities, or has atleast studied this for a Geography test.
170. You have at some point in your life had a volvo or a saab as the family car
171. You think it's normal to be drunk every friday and/or saturday all year round.
172. You see a woman with a baby carriage trying to get on the bus you're in so you pretend to be sleeping so you don't have to help her with it.
173. You just love singing "snapsvisor" with any kind of alcohol.
174. You don't find "bananer i pjamas" to be a bit sexual.
175. You know what innebandy is, and you find it quite a cheesy sport.
176. You have, on several occasions, played innebandy. And enjoyed it.
177. Smörgåstårta. Nuff said.
178. You actually know how to pronounce smörgåsbord.
179. You think that any type of dish including fläskfilé och bearnaissås and köttbullar med rödbetssallad (an xmas version!) makes a superb topping on a pizza...
180. You´ve ended several conversations with "japp....så är det det...mmm" followed by an uncomfortable staring at the ground whilst shuffling some snow around with your foot… (there´s always snow...it´s sweden for christ sake!).
181. Everytime you see a swedish brand/actor/company/phone/car/furniture store you feel compelled to point that out to your friends (with badly hidden pride in your voice).
182. If you´re from Stockhom you don´t even look twice when you spot 18 year old guys with shirts tucked in to their jeans (which despite being increadibly tight is worn with a Gucci/Diesel/Armani etc. belt) smart jackets, backslick hair & SILK SCARFS shopping for lobster in saluhallen....
183. You find teenage mums shocking and very strange; because you don't know anyone who had a child before 25...and you thought that was young
184. You thought 'Aftonbladet' and 'Expressen' were full of silly news...then you went abroad and found that many papers include nothing but naked women and sex
185. You know they are the same, but you just don't trust ibuprofen and paracetamol the way you trust Ipren and Alvedon
186. You think it's ridiculous to sell milk and yogurt in anything other than Tetrapak...and you wonder why Fil isn't sold abroad
187. You’re always stuck trying to explain what "fil" is...unsuccessfully.
188. Even if you normally hate ABBA, Ace of Base, Roxette etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Swedish. (you'll probably even ask the DJ to play it…)
189. You have to explain the wonder that is "snus" while everyone around you are about to vomit.
190. You understand the phrase "fjortis" and suddenly don’t mind the “chavs” too much anymore.
191. You in desperation think you bought the wrong item because the condoms come in square packages instead of rectangular packages.
192. Lösgodis (pick n’mix) becomes more desirable than cigarettes.
193. You ONLY eat candy on Saturdays.
194. Your parents pay you every month for not eat candy for a year (or so)
195. You have to tell people to take of their bloody shoes when they come into your house.
196. You in pure disgust try to tell your fellow peers that it’s basic human behavior to shower after PE and they look at you like you come from a different planet.
197. You can’t believe that you have to pay for your disgusting school lunch.
198. People say your name in fifty different ways, but no one can get it right.
199. When people ask what your parents are called and you are tempted to say Inga and Sven...because you know there is no way they will understand or be able to pronounce names like åsa, åke eller Örjan
200. Your middle name is also the name of an IKEA shelf (Ivar).
201. All English you ever learnt in Sweden came from American sitcoms.
202. Robert aschberg is a household name
203. You KNOW that Harry Potter will NEVER EVER be close to as good a read as Pippi Longstocking
204. You get REALLY annoyed when people outside of Sweden do not know that Pippi Longstocking is Swedish.
205. You just love to 'fika', and know that it is an activity that is meant to last for hours and is not the equivalent of going for a coffee.
206. You don’t get why no other language has a verb for drinking coffee/tea since it is such a very, very important pastime!
207. You don’t consider Starbucks a proper café, since a real cafe is a atmospheric, groovy, cosy place not at all as brightly lit and multi national as Starbucks.
208. You know that a "macka" consist of one slice of bread!
209. You sometimes finish your e-mails to non-Swedes with the letters "Mvh".
210. You instinctively spot 'Swedes' from a distance just based on looks and what they're wearing. (obviously they are anomalies- Norwegians or Finns at a push…)
211. You've been forced to perform the "frog dance" skipping around a palm tree.
212. People refuse to believe you're actually from Sweden because you're not platinum blonde with a Sven-Goran Ericsson accent
213. You think going to the pub for a drink is a waste of time if you're not going to get drunk
214. You brag about the free healthcare and the free schoolsystem to every non-swede that you have a political conversation with.
215. You consider yourself as Scandinavian, not European.
216. You are happy to say that you can go around Scandinavia with one language, which of course is Swedish, the biggest one. (the Swedes, the Norweigans, the Danes and the (LUCKY) Finns understand it...)
217. You are just as happy to point out that you do not need a passport when travelling to Norway.
218. You have absolutely no idea what is meant by" Swedish massage" that keeps being advertised as a hot item in spas all over the world.
219. You have never ever heard of either “Annas gingerbread” or “Mrs Elswood's cod roe spread - product of Sweden” or “Swedish glace” (it’s free from cholesterol, gluten, all animal ingredients and genetic modification).
220. If you have heard of “Swedich glace”, you know that it is not anywhere close to being as lovely as proper Swedish ice cream.
221. It annoys you that the hot chocolate powder abroad don’t mix with cold milk.
222. You love O’boy to pieces.
223. You're not in Sweden you miss the hotdog stands where you can get a hotdog with shrimp salad when you have been out partying!
224. As like IKEA, H&M feels like home away from home.
225. You are an expert on commenting whats typical swedish...
226. You shove your pants into your socks even when your inside, and there is not snow/rain anywhere in sight.
227. You eat pancakes with jam, not lemon and sugar like the English.
228. You always try to find was of being self-righteous of other's people debauchery but secretely LOVE poppin' bottles, travelling private jets and making tons of money. (a consequence of 'Jantelagen')
229. You end a P.S with a D.S.
230. You find it perfectly normal to dress up like a witch at Easter and find the Easter bunny completely illogical.
231. You celebrate Easter and Christmas a day before most other countries
232. You know that real Easter eggs are not made of chocolate; they're made of paper and filled with pick'n'mix (lösgodis)
233. Easter means decorating some twigs in a vase with coloured feathers, eating herring and painted eggs, and of course, dressing up as a witch/over made-up older lady and knocking on random neighbours' doors in hope of getting some candy.
234. You couldn’t care less about the sixth of June and consider celebrating “Midsummer” as being as close to a proper national day as it will ever get.
235. You dress up like a star-boy (stjärngosse) and people think you are from the kkk and a black guy gets mad.
236. You know that gravy is crap compared to the choice of sauces Swedes have.
237. You're abroad you like to ask for "Swedish" coffee at the hotel..
238. And apart from the point mentioned in 237, of course you do also use other quotations from "Sällskapsresan" when going abroad.
239. You believe that GES "När vi gräver guld i USA" is one of the 10 best songs ever written and performed, right up there along with four works by Tomas Ledin and five by Laleh Pourkarim.
240. You buy an ( S ) sticker for your Volvo... while living outside the borders of Sweden
241. You put toilet paper on the seat in a public toilet and double fold it neatly.
242. You see your non-Swedish friends utter display of confusion when you answer 'there is no danger on the roof' in response to their comment of not having any money left on their bus card...
243. Staffan Westerberg (Vilse i Pannkanan, Lillstrumpa och Syster Yster) gives you the creeps.
244. You find it hillarious that Bo G Eriksson is E-Type’s father.
245. You have quoted Elin from Fucking Åmål MANY TIMES when you were a teenager ("Varför måste vi bo i fucking-jävla-kuk-Åmål?", "Jag vill knarka", "Jag ska bli psykolog. Eller... det tror jag i alla fall", "Jag är hellre glad nu än om 25 år", or "Jag ska aldrig mer bli ihop med nån. Jag ska bli celibat")
246. You have been at a club making fun of people dancing even though you know you are at least as bad of a dancer as they are.
247. You feel bad if you're not outside on a sunny day.
248. You think that Robert Gustavsson is the funniest man alive, period.
249. It's not strange that the Prime Minister marries the CEO of "Systembolaget".
250. You want to make love, you want to do it to the sound of Buddy Holly
251. You know that Per Gessle is responsible for more child conceiving than Barry White
252. At cafés, you find it completely normal walking all the way to the counter to order and then carrying it yourself to the table rather than being waitered.
253. You find it completely normal, when going to a pre-party (förfest) everyone has their Systembolaget-kasse in the fridge and notoriously keep track of which liquor is their liquor!
254. You get offended by the fact that not everybody considers braces and a bow tie to be the height of fashion
255. You ask a visitor from back home to to bring you “Langa Fina”-bread, “Kvibille Mellanlagrad Prästost” and “Herrgårdsost”.
256. When you get annoyed by people standing to the left in the escalator.
257. You actually read all of these.
258. YOU WOULD NEVER EVER ADMIT TO ANYTHING ON THIS LIST.
259. (But you realise that everything is so true as well...)